To be or not to be

Sitting out on the lanai enjoying the beautiful warm weather that is Southwest Florida.  Always changing.  Clear skies in the morning, clouds building in the afternoon.  Sometimes clear skies on the north side of street and storm clouds to the south.  Will we get rain?  Who knows.

Several weeks ago we bought some wall art and as I looked at placement saw that the fish and turtles were swimming to and away from time.  That’s what we all do, we measure days by minutes.  We control most of our lives by looking at two hands continuously moving.  And then there are moments where we don’t care what time it is.  Those moments are the best.  Moments lost in time.  Relaxing.  Watching dragon flies.  Watching clouds change.  Just being.

Does anybody really know what time it is.  Does anybody really care . . . .About time.

 

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And so it goes . . .

“Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” Elizabeth Gilbert is one of my favorite writers. She is so down to earth. And I love that she asks us to embrace the mess with joy. To me, Elizabeth is saying, enjoy life where you are. Enjoy yourself. Learn to love yourself flaws and all.

I remember several years ago I traveled with my Presbyterian church to New Orleans to do some work for those who lost everything during Hurricane Katrina. If anyone knows anything about Presbyterians we have the reputation of being a stoic bunch. So afraid someone will see us acting crazy. Many would wonder how I picked that religion, and I guess I’d say I’m less worried about religion and more concerned with my fit with people and the service.

With that said, for many years I didn’t fit at 2nd Pres. Or, maybe I should say I didn’t think I fit with the bunch. I loved the music, the sermons, the pageantry, but I never found my niche.

Back to New Orleans. I rode with a couple who are now my dearest friends and we talked about that Presbyterian stoicism. Jim, who is a Presbyterian from birth, said we are the frozen chosen. I noodled that for a while and said, well I’m the flawed thawed and I’d rather be thawed than frozen any day. When you’re thawed you’re living and growing. When you’re frozen you’re stuck where you are.

These days, I feel a little frozen. I love to write, but I don’t do it unless like several months ago I enroll in a class and am encouraged to write an assignment every day. I like to paint, but the canvas, brushes and paint are in a cabinet. And I can’t grow in those two loves if I don’t practice. If I don’t embrace them with the joy that once I start doing them they bring to my life.

It’s not that I just sit around and do nothing. I run and love to run. However, I need to have a race in front of me to get me to consistently hit the pavement.

I’ve come to believe I truly am results driven. I stay frozen until there is something ahead of me that I want to accomplish and then I thaw in order to accomplish that task. I suppose I’m driven to accomplish tasks set in front of me. I write when there are assignments. I run when there are races. I paint when I’ve enrolled in a class.

I want to live a thawed life, always growing, always learning. I want to embrace the glorious mess that I am and practice my passions. Life is messy, there are always things that get in the way. But it’s the glorious person that navigates the mess and makes time for the things that bring them joy. Results driven. No need for a stinkin’ race or class. Remembering the result that the action, that the passion brings should enable us to thaw and embrace that which we love.